This week, a community member stepped forward and asked if we could share his story and perspective on mental health and mental illness. Jack Bragen, a community, shares “Managing My Wellness When My Psychotic and Mood Condition Are Worse.”
Managing My Wellness When My Psychotic and Mood Condition Are Worse
by Jack Bragen
Within the space of one year, I have been divorced, and I have lost the option to write for two and a half of the three newspapers in which I have regularly placed my work. I’m having financial hardship; I’m having emotional hardship (a lot of it) and I often spend my time alone. As a result of these difficult changes in environment, my mind and my other functions have slipped backward. In short, I’m in for a rough ride. And secondly, I must recognize that my symptoms have worsened.
Loss is normal. Everyone experiences loss of one kind or another, no matter who they are. However, I’d had a lapse in judgment that created bad decisions and a lack of insight.
I’m fully compliant with medication, and I have been so all along. However, my medication was reduced because my prescriber believed I was taking an excessive level of meds. This had a “domino effect” in which my judgment went out the window, bad decisions followed, and then my life circumstances worsened. This in turn created more stresses that further worsened my condition.
The aforementioned led me to where I am now. I need a lot of help. I already get help, but I need more than I’m getting. But more than that, I truly need to function independently in the community, which I am doing now.
I need self-management skills. I know some bits and pieces of self-management already. But more coping mechanisms are needed. And I must remember not to push excessively hard. I am past 60 and I am not 20. This is very basic and must still be emphasized: As a person with a psychotic disorder, I must strictly adhere to the regimen of medication. I haven’t stopped this. If I had stopped medication, you would not be reading these words.
Secondly: Don’t push the river, let it flow. This means I must maintain basic consideration for people, regardless of how important my own distress seems to be. If I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, usually things will work.
Third: I need to pay attention to the needs of my body and mind. If I am in physical pain, something is causing that, and it should be addressed, possibly by seeing a doctor. If I’m in emotional distress, maybe I need to talk to someone. The 988 number is working for me. When I initiate the call, I am sure to inform the call specialist that I am not in imminent danger of harm to myself or anyone; I just feel very bad. Yet if I was in danger, I would inform the call-taker of it. So far that has not been the case. But I can’t say absolutely it could never happen; it could.
Number Four: I’m continuing to conduct my regular business and work endeavors. This applies to me, and it may not be applicable to everyone. At the same time, I am more careful to take more breaks from tasks as necessary. I am on hiatus from the one remaining newspaper I’ve written for, one of them went out of business, and one of them doesn’t want any more of my submissions. Because of that, I’m seeking new places for my work. This is a very hard challenge, because the levels of competition are extremely high. My essay or short fiction piece must be markedly better than those produced by numerous genius writers. And finally, because of all of the above difficulties and challenges, I need to give myself a break and not be hard on myself.
Jack Bragen lives and writes in the San Francisco Bay Area.