Written by Gregory Beckner, NAMI CC Staff
When parents and loved ones of a psychosis sufferer ponders what they are going through there is no way to know, not by a long shot. I have suffered through many relapses in believing I did not need medications. I had anosognosia, which is a disease of the mind that, for lack of better words, makes you believe you are not suffering from severe mental illness. In other words, my delusions and hallucinations were so elaborate and convincing that even with the help of regular heavy dosages of anti-psychotic medications, still could not take away the strong desire that I did not need medications. That is why I went off my medications so many times because I was still, experiencing some breakthrough symptoms and delusions, not to mention false pretenses derived from an assumption I was not sick.
What was I experiencing? It would be nothing that someone could imagine. I was being talked to by some unknown voices that would talk to me through the television, radio, and neighbors I thought were yelling insults to me from their house windows. Elaborate schemes were being cast against me and it appeared according to evidence, based on my delusions and hallucinations that everybody was out to get me. I would plead my case about what I was experiencing to my parents and they did not know what to think, but knew I needed help. They confronted me on several occasions and even brought mental health professionals to help convince me to seek help. None of it worked despite my behavior as being erratic. It was obvious I had a psychosis except everyone knew it but me.
The state of mind I was in was like I was in another world, and this was only my first episode. I
have had several others and on almost every episode I had I believed I could manage without the medication, which would backfire on me every time. The side effects to the medications are one of the main reasons for going off the medications. The main side effects to the medications is weight gain and feeling tired all the time. I could not stop sleeping, and I gained a considerable amount of weight. So, the pressure to ponder what it would be like to be off the medications would weigh heavy on someone’s mind, as it did for me.
After all was said and done through the more than fifteen years of battling this mysterious disease of the mind, I found, when it comes to serious mental illness that one cannot cope without their medications if you want to live somewhat of a normal life. In my case my family was as patient as they possibly could have been, but even then, that eventually ran out when I refused to get help because I kept going off my medications. Now I know better after many years of trial and error. Whether it be severe bipolar, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, or major depression, simply put, there is no other way to live somewhat of a normal life unless with the help psych medications. I know from my own experience and if you listen to the stories of others, they will tell you the same thing concerning the necessity of taking your medications because severe mental illness is a chronic mental disorder that is
beyond the control of the victim.
